But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
