1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
