Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
