I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
