Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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