i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
