So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
