Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
