i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's never too late to be topless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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