yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
