Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize