Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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