They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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