why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
