I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
