dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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