I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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