Your dad touched me again.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Welp...herpes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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