after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize