Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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