what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
