I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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