If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He felt like a one man threesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
