she woke up with a sticky ear
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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