you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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