i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We left the knife in your bed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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