We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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