you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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