Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
