never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
