I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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