My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"it" just moved
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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