Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize