wanna go halves on a baby?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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