I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
