I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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