Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
