He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
