ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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