You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
