Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize