How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had sex on a roof
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize