his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
