My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize