I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
