You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
