That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
