when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
