now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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