Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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