and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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