The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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