do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
