how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
