once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We left the knife in your bed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize