please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
