K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
