I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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