Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
