he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
