I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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