this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
