The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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