i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
