I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
