Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
