3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
