Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
