Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are two peas in an std pod
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
