when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
