This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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