im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
