for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
