I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
