I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
