Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
