mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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